What I Read: Web of Spider-Man #121

Hey all (Pedro). A week ago I bought a copy of "Batman #700", but unfortunately it had some weird production error that cut the last half inch or so off the bottom of the first and last eight pages. I returned it today, and, as they had no copies to replace it with, they gave me five dollars in store credit and I grabbed some crap out of the back-issue bins. One of those five was:

Web of Spider-Man #121
"Web of Life, Part 3 of 4: THE HUNTING"
Written by Todd Dezago
Breakdowns by Phil Gosier
Lettering by Steve Dutro

Huh, I thought Dezago was an artist, never knew he did any writing. I don't know if he drew this one too, there's no credit for "artist" or "penciller," only "breakdowns," so... probably? Also, remember how every comic in the 90s told you what part of the story you were getting? Good times.

We open with an ad for an Indy Car racing game for the SNES and Genesis. What's the point? Honestly, they really shouldn't have tried until game machines that could render polygons showed up.

In the beginning of the story, a group of thugs is hassling some homeless lady. Why? I don't know, they're assholes, I guess. She gets super angry when they try to steal a picture of her daughter (prime masturbatory material, I'm guessing), so one of them happily punches her in the face.

Then the enigmatic Kaine shows up, although I don't really know how he got the drop on them in an open field. I ain't scanning any pictures, but Kaine is an 8 ft. tall giant wearing a weird form-fitting blue body suit covered in asymmetrical veiny webbing, topped off with a half-length tattered purple cloak and a mask that leaves the top of his head open for his long, flowing hair. Now, I think Kaine lives underground at this point (it's not like he can afford a lease on an apartment), so I'm betting he smells like a sewer. He kills the assholes, and as the homeless lady tries to thank him, he walks away carelessly, stepping on the portrait. Whadda douche.

Then we have the Scarlet Spider swinging around town, desperate to get to Peter Parker's place. Oh, and let me tell you now, Peter Parker does not appear in this issue. Yeah. Anyhow, the Scarlet Spider is Peter Parker's wayward clone; a villain named The Grim Hunter caught his scent, and, as it's identical to Peter's, he's following it to Parker's place. Below, a really careless cabbie turns around to talk to the guy in back and doesn't notice a chick with family and baby carriage clearly using the crosswalk.

And then.... two two-page ads in a row for Konami games. Never played "The Adventures of Batman and Robin," but "Sunset Riders" was pretty fun.

The Scarlet Spider stops the cab with a webline, and the cabbie breathes a sigh of relief, thinking that he would have been dead for sure. Um... you probably would have been okay on this one guy, the mother and baby I was more worried about.

In his mansion, Vladimir Kravinoff, the Grim Hunter, is meditating (naked) under a big ol' portrait of his father, Kraven the Hunter. If I ever buy a mansion, I'm getting giant, ominous portraits of me put in every room, even the bathrooms. His steward is worried that Vladimir is starting to go mad with obsession, but laments that there's nothing he can really do about it. That's a bummer, dude.

Cut to a police station, where a couple of hard-boiled, tough-talking detectives are investigating a serial killer who's recently left the only clue of his career, a partial print. They go to have a discussion with who the print belongs to. And maybe bring a SWAT team or something, eh guys?

The Scarlet Spider is watching over Peter's place, and Kaine is on a higher building watching him. If only he had some kind of... danger sense, that could tell him when he's about to be attacked or something. Kaine doesn't want Ben interfering with plans he has for Peter and Mary Jane, and I'm sure he'll get right to those plans after killing maybe four more muggers, five tops.

Kaine smacks the Scarlet Spider around, who makes a point of saying that his Spider Sense should have gone off and didn't, so fair enough on that one. Kaine talks like they've crossed paths in the past. Ben knocks him around a little, webs his arms to the wall, Kaine gets annoyed and basically just beats the shit out of him and stars strangling him to death. Hey, were those Ren & Stimpy games any good?

In the Bullpen Bulletins box, we get news that Marvel is splitting up it's management into five distinct editorial teams. This didn't go over too well in the long run, because Marvel was being run into bankruptcy by those spoiled, childish investors you see in bad movies. Also, a one-shot team-up of Ghost Rider, Wolverine, and the Punisher. Gotta buy that! Coming next week: In Amazing Spider-Man, Peter Parker is poisoned and Mary Jane is pregnant (double bummer), the Keeper reveals the fate of Galactus (spoiler: Galactus lives), and when you're in New York, visit Daredevil. I... okay, I guess you can do that.

Scarlet Spider escapes Kaine's grip and Kaine beats his head in with a large rock. Grim Hunter is breaking into Peter's apartment, and for the third time in the book, Kaine gets the drop on him. Spider-Ben falls unconcious, and it's a miracle he's not dead because Kaine BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A ROCK THE SIZE OF A BEACH BALL.

The letters pages sound like they really like a previous issue in which Ben fought Venom. The editors note that if you want more Venom, feel free to pick up Venom: Separation Anxiety #1. Hey, and completely by coincidence, guess what other comic I fished out of the bin?

And now my final thoughts: it's pretty clear they're trying to expand the Spider-line however they can at this point. There are four main, interlocking Spider-books and a quarterly at this point, not counting guest appearances and miniseries. Venom has his own series at this point, and from what I read they were looking to spin-off Spider-Ben and Kaine as well. Kaine's series could have been called "Kaine: Asshole for Justice" or "Kaine: Net Marginal Benefit to Society."

Along with Red Robin, Kaine is the only comic character who primarily inspires hunger.