I just finished reading William Tsutsui's "Godzilla on my Mind," a pretty terrific fan book about the (then) 50-year-old monster franchise. The main thrust is an attempt to decipher what exactly it is about Godzilla that makes him so appealing and long-lasting (the oldest franchise in cinema history!). It discusses the rather fascinating business history of the franchise, themes running through it, the fandom behind it, and various knockoffs and influences. Granted, those last two sections aren't up to the snuff of the first two, but overall it's a very enjoyable read, and I would recommend checking the ol' library.
This guy's enthusiasm really bleeds through; when he tells you he has loved the films with every fiber of his being since childhood, you believe him. It made me want to do two things:
The first is to watch the original Godzilla. For all of its influence, I've never actually watched the original Godzilla. Have you? Luckily, the library system has a DVD featuring the original, subtitled "Gojira" and the U.S. cut "Godzilla." It also has "King Kong," which I decided to throw in my cart because hey, classic giant monster movies. Library system's firing on all cylinders these last few days for me, with the brief letdown that they don't have a copy of "King Kong vs. Godzilla." Judging from the author's deep level of research into Godzilla fandom, almost all of them are converts at an early age and find Godzilla to be deeply nostalgic. I don't have that perspective (unless I get "nostalgic for an era in which I never lived," which in this case would be post-WW2 Japan), so I'm interested to see how I like it.
The second thought that came to mind was, do I love anything enough to write a book like this about it? I don't think I do! I have a lot of favored franchises, but none of them are all-consuming. Closest thing I can think of is "The Simpsons," but even then I think its been pretty much crap after the 9th season (where are the now? 22?). Maybe the game industry circa 1998-2002 (and I know that's not a franchise), but that's IT. It's kind of... humbling to see this level of love for a character and franchise. Not bad, mind you. Kinda nice, actually.
Also, it didn't give me enough information to decide if the Power Rangers could beat Godzilla. I'm thinking the Megazord by itself might not be up to the task, but once the Dragonzord gets in there Godzilla's getting a serious drill-tailing. Come to think of it, I guess as a child I WAS watching and loving Japanese rubber suit giant wrestling, so maybe I'll be a big fan after all. I'll letcha know.
(Oh, hey, funny story. "Gojira" is actually a combination of "whale" and "gorilla" for some reason. "Godzilla" is not any kind of literal translation, nor is it a clever title invented by a shrewd translator. As crazy as it may sound, "Godzilla" was actually just a phonetic mangling of the original name "Gojira," without anyone putting any thought into the "god of the lizards" poetry of that wonderful name. Is this why the Cloverfield monster looked kind of like a giant gorilla whale?)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Comic Reviews!
Hey, I read some comics recently.
First off, "Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds." I'd read an issue or two of the series while it was coming out and it was pretty good, Perez drawing big armies of detailed characters beating each other and Johns at his most fun and least obnoxious. I'd decided to grab the new softcover as a little present to myself after finals, and I could not read it at all.
Because the paper smelled.
This has never happened to me before. Something about the paper, or the ink, or something gave the trade this acrid, near piss-like smell, and I could literally not sit down with that thing in my lap for any extended period of time. I know! I had to return it, and somehow the comic store employees didn't give me any weird looks. I took a sniff of the other copy they had, and it was the same deal, so it probably wasn't just my copy. In short, if you're thinking of buying the trade, the story's great, but read it for ten minutes and see if the smell is too distracting.
Second book I read was "Superman: Earth One." The back cover calls it "A Man of Steel for a new generation," and if that's not just marketing hyperbole then the value system of this new generation is very depressing to me. I mean, I don't HATE it per se, unlike some people, but it's nothing more than mediocre, with a lot of dialogue that sounds good on first read but doesn't really make much sense (if THAT makes any sense).
But the worst part of the book is that Clark Kent DOESN'T WANT TO BE SUPERMAN. He only does it because he's guilt-tripped by the memory of his dead father. I'm serious, it's not his idea, he's pushed into the role by his overbearing parents.
He begins the story interviewing with football teams, scientific institutions, and whatnot and getting tons of offers because he's, y'know, Superman, and I'd assume he'd be interested in getting those jobs because he already knows he can be a championship quarterback without having to wreck a defensive line's shit to prove it to himself. Being Superman means he gives up those career opportunities, unless he wants to only save people on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. He's also seen moping around on the streets and in flashbacks, staring at all the happy people in cafe windows and whatnot, because his powers make him feel soooo alienated (though he talks to several people who are, y'know, general human being nice to him, so I'm not seeing this as anything but a big head trip for him). It's not like being Superman helps him with that problem either, because at best he has to do the mild-mannered act and gets ditched when the rest of the gang goes to the bar anyway.
Later, a bunch of alien invaders show up looking for the last surviving kryptonian, and state on the air that their plan is to kill a few million people to drive him out of hiding. Even then, with thousands of people dying and Metropolis a warzone, even THEN it takes Clark Kent like 30 pages before he finally goes and fights the aliens. Even when he's the only person that can possibly do it, he just DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT.
Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. If I had kryptonian powers I'd at best be selfish and at worst be the new sovereign lord of the earth, but that's not what Superman does. I know there are a variety of approaches to Superman's motivation, but most of them center around the fact that he's an altruistic person who wants to use his abilities to help people while still maintaining some semblance of a private life. In this case, Clark Kent himself doesn't personally care that much. It's all his parents pushing him into it.
And even then, they're not doing it well. While they're planning his future for him in a flashback, Clark asks why he just can't wear a mask. They tell him no, people won't trust you, you'll have to wear your mask all the rest of the time. Know what? FUCK THAT. Wear your mask while you're saving those villages from the landslide Clark, who gives a FUCK, and in the meantime go get your dream job and be yourself. There is NO good goddamn reason they're making Clark do what he does, and Clark has no good goddamned reason for not doing what he wants to do.
Oh, and the best thing? After he saves the Earth in his trusted, mask-free glory, the people of Metropolis STILL DON'T TRUST HIM. Because a guy with god-powers flying around punching aliens is scary, mask or not! There's even this hilarious scene: Clark's caught under a red sun ray, and all these people are standing around on the outside saying "eh, I'm not gonna get him out." This is in the aforementioned war zone, with F-14s crashing in the streets and alien robots stomping on cars. One guy's even standing there with a coffee. A coffee. Did he run out and grab that between bombing runs? All so he could look EXTRA nonchalant and uncaring as he watched Superman get his ass TORTURED TO SAVE HIS WORTHLESS-ASS LIFE? Man, fuck this story.
On a final note: Hey, Konami! Where's 'The Simpons?' When are you going to port 'The Simpsons?' Why aren't you porting 'The Simpons' now? And so on. So please: port 'The Simpsons.'
First off, "Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds." I'd read an issue or two of the series while it was coming out and it was pretty good, Perez drawing big armies of detailed characters beating each other and Johns at his most fun and least obnoxious. I'd decided to grab the new softcover as a little present to myself after finals, and I could not read it at all.
Because the paper smelled.
This has never happened to me before. Something about the paper, or the ink, or something gave the trade this acrid, near piss-like smell, and I could literally not sit down with that thing in my lap for any extended period of time. I know! I had to return it, and somehow the comic store employees didn't give me any weird looks. I took a sniff of the other copy they had, and it was the same deal, so it probably wasn't just my copy. In short, if you're thinking of buying the trade, the story's great, but read it for ten minutes and see if the smell is too distracting.
Second book I read was "Superman: Earth One." The back cover calls it "A Man of Steel for a new generation," and if that's not just marketing hyperbole then the value system of this new generation is very depressing to me. I mean, I don't HATE it per se, unlike some people, but it's nothing more than mediocre, with a lot of dialogue that sounds good on first read but doesn't really make much sense (if THAT makes any sense).
But the worst part of the book is that Clark Kent DOESN'T WANT TO BE SUPERMAN. He only does it because he's guilt-tripped by the memory of his dead father. I'm serious, it's not his idea, he's pushed into the role by his overbearing parents.
He begins the story interviewing with football teams, scientific institutions, and whatnot and getting tons of offers because he's, y'know, Superman, and I'd assume he'd be interested in getting those jobs because he already knows he can be a championship quarterback without having to wreck a defensive line's shit to prove it to himself. Being Superman means he gives up those career opportunities, unless he wants to only save people on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. He's also seen moping around on the streets and in flashbacks, staring at all the happy people in cafe windows and whatnot, because his powers make him feel soooo alienated (though he talks to several people who are, y'know, general human being nice to him, so I'm not seeing this as anything but a big head trip for him). It's not like being Superman helps him with that problem either, because at best he has to do the mild-mannered act and gets ditched when the rest of the gang goes to the bar anyway.
Later, a bunch of alien invaders show up looking for the last surviving kryptonian, and state on the air that their plan is to kill a few million people to drive him out of hiding. Even then, with thousands of people dying and Metropolis a warzone, even THEN it takes Clark Kent like 30 pages before he finally goes and fights the aliens. Even when he's the only person that can possibly do it, he just DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT.
Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. If I had kryptonian powers I'd at best be selfish and at worst be the new sovereign lord of the earth, but that's not what Superman does. I know there are a variety of approaches to Superman's motivation, but most of them center around the fact that he's an altruistic person who wants to use his abilities to help people while still maintaining some semblance of a private life. In this case, Clark Kent himself doesn't personally care that much. It's all his parents pushing him into it.
And even then, they're not doing it well. While they're planning his future for him in a flashback, Clark asks why he just can't wear a mask. They tell him no, people won't trust you, you'll have to wear your mask all the rest of the time. Know what? FUCK THAT. Wear your mask while you're saving those villages from the landslide Clark, who gives a FUCK, and in the meantime go get your dream job and be yourself. There is NO good goddamn reason they're making Clark do what he does, and Clark has no good goddamned reason for not doing what he wants to do.
Oh, and the best thing? After he saves the Earth in his trusted, mask-free glory, the people of Metropolis STILL DON'T TRUST HIM. Because a guy with god-powers flying around punching aliens is scary, mask or not! There's even this hilarious scene: Clark's caught under a red sun ray, and all these people are standing around on the outside saying "eh, I'm not gonna get him out." This is in the aforementioned war zone, with F-14s crashing in the streets and alien robots stomping on cars. One guy's even standing there with a coffee. A coffee. Did he run out and grab that between bombing runs? All so he could look EXTRA nonchalant and uncaring as he watched Superman get his ass TORTURED TO SAVE HIS WORTHLESS-ASS LIFE? Man, fuck this story.
On a final note: Hey, Konami! Where's 'The Simpons?' When are you going to port 'The Simpsons?' Why aren't you porting 'The Simpons' now? And so on. So please: port 'The Simpsons.'
Sunday, November 28, 2010
In Related News, "Green Lantern: Rebirth" Also Sucks
Y'know, I stared writing a long, drawn-out post about how "Green Lantern: Rebirth" isn't a very good comic book, but I ran into the same problem the I had in my months long "Flash: Rebirth" post, and the never released "Secret Invasion Secret Sucks" (although that was because my 60+ scans got lost in a hard drive crash and I'll be damned if I'm going through and getting them all again). I find that I really like to complain, and I really like to read long, entertainingly-written complaints, but I don't like the amount of energy it takes to write those entertainingly-written complaints, because it is a LOT.
So, while I could point out all the plot holes, retcons, cliched dialogue, mischaracterization, obvious author favoritism, dramatic speed bumps, and overall unpleasantness, I've managed to boil down exactly what's wrong with "Green Lantern: Rebirth" into one sentence:
It changes Hal Jordan's theme song from "Highway to the Danger Zone" to Linkin Park's "Crawling."
Think about it. It fits the "Green Lantern: Rebirth" and the New Hal PERFECTLY.
There's something inside me that lurks beneath the surface/Confusing/Consuming
I've felt this way before/So insecure
Fear is how I fall/Confusing what is real
With that in mind, here's a montage of "Green Lantern: Rebirth" panels dubbed with "Crawling." The only good montage was in Spanish for some damn reason, but trust me... you don't need to know what they're squawking.
So, while I could point out all the plot holes, retcons, cliched dialogue, mischaracterization, obvious author favoritism, dramatic speed bumps, and overall unpleasantness, I've managed to boil down exactly what's wrong with "Green Lantern: Rebirth" into one sentence:
It changes Hal Jordan's theme song from "Highway to the Danger Zone" to Linkin Park's "Crawling."
Think about it. It fits the "Green Lantern: Rebirth" and the New Hal PERFECTLY.
There's something inside me that lurks beneath the surface/Confusing/Consuming
I've felt this way before/So insecure
Fear is how I fall/Confusing what is real
With that in mind, here's a montage of "Green Lantern: Rebirth" panels dubbed with "Crawling." The only good montage was in Spanish for some damn reason, but trust me... you don't need to know what they're squawking.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
CGE2010
Hey everybody. For reasons of my own, I've decided to go back and post this draft of my experience at the Classic Gaming Expo 2k10 that's been sitting in my archive for like 8 months. Enjoy!
Website: http://www.cgexpo.com/
Flickr photo set: http://www.flickr.com/photos/52607399@N05/
Forums on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=F77B3A3049328A31&playnext=1&v=HLrYCF_IiTg
===========================
This weekend I went to the Classic Gaming Expo 2010, and lemme tell you, it was a lot of fun. I posted a bunch of pictures to "flickr" here, but as for the things not pictured (mostly because I forgot to bring my goddamned camera the second day...)
-The keynotes were pretty good. The best was easily the Activision keynote, where Steve Cartwright (the man behind my favorite "Activision Anthology" games Barnstorming and Frostbite), Gary Fishback, and David Crane regaled the crowd with anecdotes. Activision apparently had the successful "Design is Law" strategy that Romero was shooting for, they were a tight-knit group of talented people who worked in the same space and were able to share and collaborate with their individual products in such a way that the quality of their work really shown. They really tried to push the bar to make better games using a lot of "tricks" in addition to their simple programming excellence. For instance, they would make and test their products on the lowest-quality piece of crap TV imaginable, with the reasoning being that if it looked good on that then it'll look great on a standard TV. Atari, on the other hand, produced all of their games using high-end Sony monitors, leading to a less polished look on a standard TV.
-At one point, Gary Fishbach recalled his decision of which company to work for: Activision or Atari. He had previously programmed at least one of the Coleco ports of Donkey Kong (oh, and if you're wondering why there are only two levels in the home version, he told management that he had maxed out space and needed a double-sized rom to put the full game in there, and they told him to jump in a lake; I actually obtained a copy of 2600 Donkey Kong at the show, but I unfortunately do not have a 2600 to play it...). Anyhow, having programmed a game, being one of only, like, 13 people on earth with game-programming experience, he could get a job no problem. Atari flies him to their office first class and says how they'll make him rich (they started a royalty program AFTER the Activision guys left the company due to their poor compensation; by the way, I recently learned that apparently consumers just pretty much bought whatever carts Atari would put out; there weren't even any screenshots on the back of the box! Thus, I can kind of see where Atari was coming from with not respecting it's programmers, if a game was going to sell regardless of quality; still kind of a dick move, and you can see why maybe that strategy wouldn't last forever?). SO ANYHOW, Activision doesn't promise big money, they're just devoted to making quality stuff. So Gary calls up Atari and says thanks, but no thanks. The guy he interviewed with is furious, he tells him don't sign anything, I'm flying out to New Jersey right now to meet you. So he does, and they fly to New York and walk right into the office of the head of Warner Communications, the company that owns Atari at this point. Office bigger than my house. Manny Gerard asks him what is it going to take to hire him, and he could have gotten, like, $5 million, easily. And he says, to the head of the company:
"I'm sorry, but I just can't work for a company that put out that piece-of-shit Pac Man cartridge."
-FINAL ANECDOTE from the Activision panel. Steve Cartwright is talking with David Crane one day, and says to him hey, why don't we make Pitafall 2? A sequel, y'know? Like in the movies! And Crane tells him "You can't make a sequel to a VIDEO GAME." Ahahahahahahaaaaa.
-The games there were a lot of fun to play. Got to play the arcade version of Berzerk for the first time, shooting robots and being chased by a meglomaniacal smiley face. Got to play Halo for the Atari 2600, which I think I liked more than regular Halo. Seriously though, they have to put that as an extra in one of the upcoming Halo games or something. Got to play R-Type on the TurboGrafx-16. Very methodical kinda space-shooter, very difficult, but absolutely fantastic. The first boss was basically one of the aliens from "Alien", but it had ANOTHER alien bursting out of it's chest. The second level took place in a giant spleen and had six-legged giant zombie maggot things crawling around, it RULED. Unfortunately it had replaced Splatterhouse, the other game that looked like it ruled when I walked by on Saturday. How did they manage that section by the way? Bet I could do it better, tell you the truth... Oh, also got to play Pitfall (which is damned harder with the Atari joystick), Empire Strikes Back (a weird kinda Defender variant, but good), and Pac-Man (completely and totally terrible) on the 2600. Finally, Sunset Riders on the Genesis! A game where you basically just walk around dispensing western justice left and right, while visiting brothels for power-ups. The first player character wore blue and got double pistols, the second wore pink and got double shotguns. You want those double shotguns, but is it worth it to wear pink? Hell yeah it's worth it!
-Entered a contest to win the big 3 classic systems (2600, Intellivision, and Colecovision). Don't think I did win, they would have contacted me by now, right...? Anyhow, they guy there had the GREATEST GAMING SHIRT ever, it was all of the 8-bit Megaman Robot Masters lined up in one big 8-by-8 grid. I also gotta say: those old consoles are SNAZZY looking, especially the Intellivision with gold trim and all, just sharp as hell.
-I must mention the Specialty Gamer booth, where I ended up spending something like $120 or so. Bought a Saturn lightgun, Virtua Cop 2, and Japanese House of the Dead for $30. Unfortunately, as I arrived, someone was already purchasing the $20 copy of Marvel vs. Street Fighter! DAMN YOUUUUUU! Seriously, next time I've gotta check Saturn imports first out of the gate. My bro bought Dragon Warrior (with instructions and coverslip thing), and Pedro had me lend him the money to buy two games from his childhood: Beavis and Butthead, and Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City for the SNES. We played them later; B&B is pretty mediocre and really difficult, but it is co-op. Michael Jordan has seperate buttons for jumping and dunking, so it's basically the greatest game ever. Seriously, anything you could want at this booth, and really good prices. Boxed N64, NES, and SNES games; I had not idea such things even existed, I thought only the Genesis had durable enough boxes to survive the... two decades since production.
-Seriously, I think I need to buy a TurboGrafx-16. The two games I saw there totally rocked. However, the games are six bucks on the virtual console, so can I REALLY justify the extra expense...? Yes. Yes I can.
Website: http://www.cgexpo.com/
Flickr photo set: http://www.flickr.com/photos/52607399@N05/
Forums on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=F77B3A3049328A31&playnext=1&v=HLrYCF_IiTg
===========================
This weekend I went to the Classic Gaming Expo 2010, and lemme tell you, it was a lot of fun. I posted a bunch of pictures to "flickr" here, but as for the things not pictured (mostly because I forgot to bring my goddamned camera the second day...)
-The keynotes were pretty good. The best was easily the Activision keynote, where Steve Cartwright (the man behind my favorite "Activision Anthology" games Barnstorming and Frostbite), Gary Fishback, and David Crane regaled the crowd with anecdotes. Activision apparently had the successful "Design is Law" strategy that Romero was shooting for, they were a tight-knit group of talented people who worked in the same space and were able to share and collaborate with their individual products in such a way that the quality of their work really shown. They really tried to push the bar to make better games using a lot of "tricks" in addition to their simple programming excellence. For instance, they would make and test their products on the lowest-quality piece of crap TV imaginable, with the reasoning being that if it looked good on that then it'll look great on a standard TV. Atari, on the other hand, produced all of their games using high-end Sony monitors, leading to a less polished look on a standard TV.
-At one point, Gary Fishbach recalled his decision of which company to work for: Activision or Atari. He had previously programmed at least one of the Coleco ports of Donkey Kong (oh, and if you're wondering why there are only two levels in the home version, he told management that he had maxed out space and needed a double-sized rom to put the full game in there, and they told him to jump in a lake; I actually obtained a copy of 2600 Donkey Kong at the show, but I unfortunately do not have a 2600 to play it...). Anyhow, having programmed a game, being one of only, like, 13 people on earth with game-programming experience, he could get a job no problem. Atari flies him to their office first class and says how they'll make him rich (they started a royalty program AFTER the Activision guys left the company due to their poor compensation; by the way, I recently learned that apparently consumers just pretty much bought whatever carts Atari would put out; there weren't even any screenshots on the back of the box! Thus, I can kind of see where Atari was coming from with not respecting it's programmers, if a game was going to sell regardless of quality; still kind of a dick move, and you can see why maybe that strategy wouldn't last forever?). SO ANYHOW, Activision doesn't promise big money, they're just devoted to making quality stuff. So Gary calls up Atari and says thanks, but no thanks. The guy he interviewed with is furious, he tells him don't sign anything, I'm flying out to New Jersey right now to meet you. So he does, and they fly to New York and walk right into the office of the head of Warner Communications, the company that owns Atari at this point. Office bigger than my house. Manny Gerard asks him what is it going to take to hire him, and he could have gotten, like, $5 million, easily. And he says, to the head of the company:
"I'm sorry, but I just can't work for a company that put out that piece-of-shit Pac Man cartridge."
-FINAL ANECDOTE from the Activision panel. Steve Cartwright is talking with David Crane one day, and says to him hey, why don't we make Pitafall 2? A sequel, y'know? Like in the movies! And Crane tells him "You can't make a sequel to a VIDEO GAME." Ahahahahahahaaaaa.
-The games there were a lot of fun to play. Got to play the arcade version of Berzerk for the first time, shooting robots and being chased by a meglomaniacal smiley face. Got to play Halo for the Atari 2600, which I think I liked more than regular Halo. Seriously though, they have to put that as an extra in one of the upcoming Halo games or something. Got to play R-Type on the TurboGrafx-16. Very methodical kinda space-shooter, very difficult, but absolutely fantastic. The first boss was basically one of the aliens from "Alien", but it had ANOTHER alien bursting out of it's chest. The second level took place in a giant spleen and had six-legged giant zombie maggot things crawling around, it RULED. Unfortunately it had replaced Splatterhouse, the other game that looked like it ruled when I walked by on Saturday. How did they manage that section by the way? Bet I could do it better, tell you the truth... Oh, also got to play Pitfall (which is damned harder with the Atari joystick), Empire Strikes Back (a weird kinda Defender variant, but good), and Pac-Man (completely and totally terrible) on the 2600. Finally, Sunset Riders on the Genesis! A game where you basically just walk around dispensing western justice left and right, while visiting brothels for power-ups. The first player character wore blue and got double pistols, the second wore pink and got double shotguns. You want those double shotguns, but is it worth it to wear pink? Hell yeah it's worth it!
-Entered a contest to win the big 3 classic systems (2600, Intellivision, and Colecovision). Don't think I did win, they would have contacted me by now, right...? Anyhow, they guy there had the GREATEST GAMING SHIRT ever, it was all of the 8-bit Megaman Robot Masters lined up in one big 8-by-8 grid. I also gotta say: those old consoles are SNAZZY looking, especially the Intellivision with gold trim and all, just sharp as hell.
-I must mention the Specialty Gamer booth, where I ended up spending something like $120 or so. Bought a Saturn lightgun, Virtua Cop 2, and Japanese House of the Dead for $30. Unfortunately, as I arrived, someone was already purchasing the $20 copy of Marvel vs. Street Fighter! DAMN YOUUUUUU! Seriously, next time I've gotta check Saturn imports first out of the gate. My bro bought Dragon Warrior (with instructions and coverslip thing), and Pedro had me lend him the money to buy two games from his childhood: Beavis and Butthead, and Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City for the SNES. We played them later; B&B is pretty mediocre and really difficult, but it is co-op. Michael Jordan has seperate buttons for jumping and dunking, so it's basically the greatest game ever. Seriously, anything you could want at this booth, and really good prices. Boxed N64, NES, and SNES games; I had not idea such things even existed, I thought only the Genesis had durable enough boxes to survive the... two decades since production.
-Seriously, I think I need to buy a TurboGrafx-16. The two games I saw there totally rocked. However, the games are six bucks on the virtual console, so can I REALLY justify the extra expense...? Yes. Yes I can.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
How The Hell...
...Did "The King of Kong" not feature Cypress Hill's "Rise Up?" I mean... how can we, as a society, condone that oversight?
What I Read: Venom: THE MADNESS #3
Alright, hot on the heels of the surprisingly entertaining Venom 2-parter is a different Venom miniseries, "The Madness." You may be wondering why all the minseries...es. Y'see, instead of giving Venom his own series, Marvel just gave him miniseries after miniseries, the next beginning the month after the last ended, so he essentially had an uninterrupted 50-or-so issue solo series. This particular miniseries takes place before the one I looked at previously, so expect plenty of insane, unsympathetic, wanton carnage! LET'S GOOOOOOOOO
Venom: The Madness
"Part 3 of 3: NECROMANCER"
Written by Ann Nocenti
Penciled by Kelley Jones
Inked by J. Beatty, A. Milgrom, and K. Williams (awww hell)
Look at that cover. Venom's fighting the Juggernaut. RAAAAAAD. Heh, look at Venom's face in the upper left corner. Think he just sat on his nuts.
This is written by Ann Nocenti; she's a bit obscure, but she did a run on Daredevil after Frank Miller that apparently rivaled it in fantasticness, but nobody remembers it. I've read a few of her books, they're pretty good, so... might it be we'll have two relatively well-written 90s Venom comics in a row...?
Okay, so on the first page, Ghost Rider is ramming his bike into Venom's spine (at least I think that's what's happening, the art doesn't really convey a "slam" per se, and it's kind of hard to place the physics of a motorcycle lifting and carrying the Orca whale-sized Venom). He welcomes him to the REALM OF INSANITY, a place everyone visits at least a little bit when they lapse into insanity, but Venom's so much craaaaazier than usual that he's going to be trapped here for the rest of his life. Venom's got the kind of smile I imagine you'd get from seeing a cheeseburger for the first time in 20 years, so he may have a point.
"By the way, they call me Necromancer because I get off on killing!" I'm into pee, myself. Necromancer just swiped Ghost Rider's look because he rides through all the time and doesn't pick up hitchhikers. Venom argues with himself in various different fonts. A green-cloaked dude named Paranoia shows up and shoots bats at him, and Venom tries to convince him that he's not paranoid dammit, and he wonders why people are always, ALWAYS thinking that.
Back in San Francisco, Juggernaut is on the phone, really pissed off at his employer for making him sit still and guard the girl he kidnapped. He says he doesn't mind the work, unless he sits still and thinks about it. The girl tries to start a friendly conversation about how he's more than just hired muscle, but whatever let's just watch TV. The girl explains that she's sorta-kinda Venom's girlfriend, but she's worried that he's got a lot of problems, with the alien suit in his brain and all. Also he apparently fell into a toxic pit and got some kind of living virus that's driving him even crazier than usual. Damn, that's just the luck, isn't it?
Juggernaut says she's very nice, being sympathetic to ol' Venom even after he murdered a janitor for a corporation that she was suing. Her case is that they're using viruses to drive their employees mad, but I don't think there's any proof of THAT. The janitor was sitting in the president of the corporation's chair, and she had told Venom that the president was evil so... that sucks. Juggernaut tries to cheer her up by saying he's not COMPLETELY sure it was Venom who did the murdering. I'm liking Juggy here. OH MY GOD THE GOOD VENOM STREAK IS CONTINUING.
Paranoia keeps messing with Venom with snakes and bats and the like, but Venom grows claws and stabs him. That'll do it. Wait, so... apparently the morphing claws is part of the virus (that's one cool virus) though I'm pretty sure he could make all kindsa claws and spikes before. Also I think, like, the virus itself is talking to the suit and Brock is asleep or something? Crap. Anyhow, Ghost Rider shows back up and punches him in the face.
HAY ANYONE WANT TO BUY SOME WILLIAM SHATNER'S TEKWORLD TRADING CARDS?!?
Venom starts pounding him as the art goes to hell. His lower jaw is protruding out a good foot past his forehead, but it's not altogether unattractive, just exaggerated. A Morbius-looking guy named Dusk shows up, apparently he's the head honcho. He sends demonic versions of Spider-Man and Wolverine to fight him. Spidey makes sense, but Wolverine? Have they ever even met? Venom kinda goes even crazier or something and says he can turn being mad off like a lightswitch. Dusk says if he were sane the realm would have destroyed him (and also you can't go INTO the realm, but whatever), but by cleverly going insane he beat it, but he'll be back! Or something. Whatever, go fight Juggernaut.
In underground San Francisco, a homeless guy is sad because he told Venom he should kill the president of Evil Virus Corp. Oh well, whatcha gonna do. Back above ground, Venom's gf (and no, I don't know her name) is wondering who's at fault, the crazy guy with the virus making him crazier or the girl who offhandedly mentioned that some sleazy CEO was evil. Neither, stupid! The news reports that they found the big vats of mercury poisoning, so they're looking for the CEO and the kidnapped girl. Juggernaut's pissed because now he won't get paid, and the girl says she's sorry awwwwwwww.
The police have found Juggernaut (since he's 14 feet tall, wearing a costume, and standing in front of an open window), but the cops aren't really eager to go in and arrest him because he's bulletproof and what have you. Venom busts in and kicks Juggernaut in the head a bit, at which point he says he's not getting paid nearly enough for this shit and busts out through a wall. The gf stops him from going after him; she's one of those Leslie Thompkins pacifist types.
CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THE AVENGERS IS COMING TO SNES! MUST BUY!
Eddie's gf says that she forgives him but can't be intimate with him anymore, because when he gets riled up he gets a bit... homicidal. Venom initially get's all CRAZY PISSED but she sternly tells him to control himself, and he does. She says he's losing a gf, but gaining the best friend he ever had uggghhhhh. No, but actually it's pretty sweet.
The synopsis for Hulk #413 is "Hullllllk... Innnn... Spaaaaaace!" Sold.
Eddie goes back to the toxic waste pit and pushes the cancerous living virus out of his pores. He says if they ever want to hang again to just give him a call, but I don't think that can work really. In 30 days we can read Venom: The Enemy Within #1 with a glow-in-the-dark cover. Neat. Though if it still glows 17 years later I'll be impressed.
According to one letter writer, Venom is the man of the nineties.
Well, that kinda sucked. That's all the Venom, folks! My last of the five random Batman #700 replacement back issues has Thanos on the cover though, so you know it's good!
Venom: The Madness
"Part 3 of 3: NECROMANCER"
Written by Ann Nocenti
Penciled by Kelley Jones
Inked by J. Beatty, A. Milgrom, and K. Williams (awww hell)
Look at that cover. Venom's fighting the Juggernaut. RAAAAAAD. Heh, look at Venom's face in the upper left corner. Think he just sat on his nuts.
This is written by Ann Nocenti; she's a bit obscure, but she did a run on Daredevil after Frank Miller that apparently rivaled it in fantasticness, but nobody remembers it. I've read a few of her books, they're pretty good, so... might it be we'll have two relatively well-written 90s Venom comics in a row...?
Okay, so on the first page, Ghost Rider is ramming his bike into Venom's spine (at least I think that's what's happening, the art doesn't really convey a "slam" per se, and it's kind of hard to place the physics of a motorcycle lifting and carrying the Orca whale-sized Venom). He welcomes him to the REALM OF INSANITY, a place everyone visits at least a little bit when they lapse into insanity, but Venom's so much craaaaazier than usual that he's going to be trapped here for the rest of his life. Venom's got the kind of smile I imagine you'd get from seeing a cheeseburger for the first time in 20 years, so he may have a point.
"By the way, they call me Necromancer because I get off on killing!" I'm into pee, myself. Necromancer just swiped Ghost Rider's look because he rides through all the time and doesn't pick up hitchhikers. Venom argues with himself in various different fonts. A green-cloaked dude named Paranoia shows up and shoots bats at him, and Venom tries to convince him that he's not paranoid dammit, and he wonders why people are always, ALWAYS thinking that.
Back in San Francisco, Juggernaut is on the phone, really pissed off at his employer for making him sit still and guard the girl he kidnapped. He says he doesn't mind the work, unless he sits still and thinks about it. The girl tries to start a friendly conversation about how he's more than just hired muscle, but whatever let's just watch TV. The girl explains that she's sorta-kinda Venom's girlfriend, but she's worried that he's got a lot of problems, with the alien suit in his brain and all. Also he apparently fell into a toxic pit and got some kind of living virus that's driving him even crazier than usual. Damn, that's just the luck, isn't it?
Juggernaut says she's very nice, being sympathetic to ol' Venom even after he murdered a janitor for a corporation that she was suing. Her case is that they're using viruses to drive their employees mad, but I don't think there's any proof of THAT. The janitor was sitting in the president of the corporation's chair, and she had told Venom that the president was evil so... that sucks. Juggernaut tries to cheer her up by saying he's not COMPLETELY sure it was Venom who did the murdering. I'm liking Juggy here. OH MY GOD THE GOOD VENOM STREAK IS CONTINUING.
Paranoia keeps messing with Venom with snakes and bats and the like, but Venom grows claws and stabs him. That'll do it. Wait, so... apparently the morphing claws is part of the virus (that's one cool virus) though I'm pretty sure he could make all kindsa claws and spikes before. Also I think, like, the virus itself is talking to the suit and Brock is asleep or something? Crap. Anyhow, Ghost Rider shows back up and punches him in the face.
HAY ANYONE WANT TO BUY SOME WILLIAM SHATNER'S TEKWORLD TRADING CARDS?!?
Venom starts pounding him as the art goes to hell. His lower jaw is protruding out a good foot past his forehead, but it's not altogether unattractive, just exaggerated. A Morbius-looking guy named Dusk shows up, apparently he's the head honcho. He sends demonic versions of Spider-Man and Wolverine to fight him. Spidey makes sense, but Wolverine? Have they ever even met? Venom kinda goes even crazier or something and says he can turn being mad off like a lightswitch. Dusk says if he were sane the realm would have destroyed him (and also you can't go INTO the realm, but whatever), but by cleverly going insane he beat it, but he'll be back! Or something. Whatever, go fight Juggernaut.
In underground San Francisco, a homeless guy is sad because he told Venom he should kill the president of Evil Virus Corp. Oh well, whatcha gonna do. Back above ground, Venom's gf (and no, I don't know her name) is wondering who's at fault, the crazy guy with the virus making him crazier or the girl who offhandedly mentioned that some sleazy CEO was evil. Neither, stupid! The news reports that they found the big vats of mercury poisoning, so they're looking for the CEO and the kidnapped girl. Juggernaut's pissed because now he won't get paid, and the girl says she's sorry awwwwwwww.
The police have found Juggernaut (since he's 14 feet tall, wearing a costume, and standing in front of an open window), but the cops aren't really eager to go in and arrest him because he's bulletproof and what have you. Venom busts in and kicks Juggernaut in the head a bit, at which point he says he's not getting paid nearly enough for this shit and busts out through a wall. The gf stops him from going after him; she's one of those Leslie Thompkins pacifist types.
CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THE AVENGERS IS COMING TO SNES! MUST BUY!
Eddie's gf says that she forgives him but can't be intimate with him anymore, because when he gets riled up he gets a bit... homicidal. Venom initially get's all CRAZY PISSED but she sternly tells him to control himself, and he does. She says he's losing a gf, but gaining the best friend he ever had uggghhhhh. No, but actually it's pretty sweet.
The synopsis for Hulk #413 is "Hullllllk... Innnn... Spaaaaaace!" Sold.
Eddie goes back to the toxic waste pit and pushes the cancerous living virus out of his pores. He says if they ever want to hang again to just give him a call, but I don't think that can work really. In 30 days we can read Venom: The Enemy Within #1 with a glow-in-the-dark cover. Neat. Though if it still glows 17 years later I'll be impressed.
According to one letter writer, Venom is the man of the nineties.
Well, that kinda sucked. That's all the Venom, folks! My last of the five random Batman #700 replacement back issues has Thanos on the cover though, so you know it's good!
Friday, July 23, 2010
What I Read: Venom: Separation Anxiety #2
When last we left our hero, Eddie Brock's personal situation matched up surprisingly well with the Goo Goo Dolls' "Amigone." Let's see what happens next!
Cover shows the symbiote smashing out of it's cage. Can a liquid "smash"? BUT WHERE IS EDDIE BROCK?
I see clearsil was still playing on my insecurities back in 1994. Here to restore your social life to it's FORMER! GLORYYYYY!
Venom: Separation Anxiety
"Part 2 of 4: Lost Souls"
Written by Howard Mackie
Penciled by Ron Randall
The symbiote is still in his tank, in "devastating" pain because he's not with Eddie. They have a weird kinda bromance going on, don't they? It screams so loud guards hear it for miles. It starts pressing a tendril to the glass, which beings slowly cracking... uh oh... UH OH oh hold on there's a scene transition.
Eddie's unconscious somewhere, dreaming of his asshole deeds. He wakes up and immediately starts trying to kick some symbiote ass again, but the others subdue him. They broke him out of prison because they want his help understanding their own symbiotes. Wouldn't it have been better to wait for the scientists to finish researching him then...?
Brock's all sad. His symbiote's gone, he can't help them, leave me alone. Hot red/yellow symbiote who still doesn't have a name insists they're decent people, despite the assaults and treason. She looks a lot better with her "mask" retracted, but that might just be because I am totally gay for comic characters not wearing their masks.
RIDDLE TIME! What do you do when you see a fire-breathing, skateboarding, karate-kicking, out-of-control dinosaur coming at you? Uh, call poison control? Radical Rex is apparently the "raddest, baddest fire-breathing T-Rex ever to shred prehistoric pavement" and is out to "save the dinosaur race." I'm not hopeful about that one, friend. God dammit Sonic the Hedgehog, this is your fault.
Then Bullpens Bulletins. That's kind of early in the book, dudes. There's a "match the character to the phrase game," and who the HELL's catchphrase is "What the shock?" or "Argon's Genes?" Though I do love "Don't yield! Back SHIELD!" I don't think I've ever heard Nick Fury say that, but I can totally see him saying that. In the "Now on Sale" box we see that Venom: Separation Anxiety #3 is available as of this moment (weird), and Wolverine #89's synopsis is "Hey, Ghost Rider - quit hogging the road!" I hope this is the issue where Wolverine's driving the speed limit, and Ghost Rider goes around him then cuts in front of him and there's NO COPS around and once again someone breaks the rules and gets ahead without retribution and Wolverine says that is ENOUGH and stabs him right through the scrotum.
Red and yellow girl whose name we STILL DON'T KNOW talks about how they agreed to join the "Life Foundation" and join with alien symbiotes because with a name like that, how could they be evil? Apparently the Life Foundation's plans were "in conflict with our own value systems" (so like, pro-gay marriage conflict or baby-raping conflict?) so they fled. Their symbiotes are still young and immature (and probably freaked to hell and back about not growing up on Zarlon V or wherever the hell symbiotes live), and they need Brock's help to understand them. Um, if you'd have just surrendered to the government guards back there, they could separate you and study the hell out of them, but treason works too.
Brock tells them to go to hell, cold-cocks the bitch, and tries to escape. "Carl" grabs him, and says he's done reasoning with him, and I guess they're going to force him to tutor them? Eddie just laughs at him. This series is really winning me over to Brock, guys.
Back in the facility we left like 9 pages ago, the symbiote's escaped and slaughtered everyone. Dr. Zwerling is still alive, so they medevac him away in a chopper. As you can probably guess, the symbiote is hiding inside the doctor (ewwww) and takes over the chopper. "Coming. Eddie." it thinks. Hm.
The other symbiotes restrain Carl, and tell him to control his other. Are all symbiotes all violent? I thought they were intelligent beings, and generally they go around enslaving planets and stuff. Huh, oh well. Carl "sucks" his symbiote back in; his friends are very encouraging about his breakthrough, but Eddie just keeps making fun of him. Ahahahahahaha faggot. Donna (oh, red and yellow is named Donna) very maturely tells him not to make fun of them, as they're really trying very hard not to kill everybody. I like these guys. Brock calls her a faggot. I like Brock too!
SHAQ-FU AD! But who would pick the non-Shaq characters in a fighting game called Shaq-Fu?
Brock is thrown into a pit, and sees a shadowy figure. He monologues that he has to kill all symbiotes, but it's just Kenny. He tries to get an interview. WHATTA SCOOP.
The symbiotes are fed up, trying to think of some way to make Brock help them. Hey, guys... when he had his costume, he pretty much did crazy homicidal things 24/7, I don't know why he's the expert in teaching you how not to do that.
Kenny's asking Brock all kindsa questions, but he tells him to shut up. He can feel his other coming, and he's getting a crazy person smile. Wuh-oh. He's going to fall right off the wagon!
Soldiers find the downed helicopter, everyone dead. Bummer. See ya next issue!
The letter writers have basically just started writing directly to Venom, bypassing the writers entirely.
MORTAL KOMBAT II!
YOU WILL DIE
YOU WILL DIE
FRIENDSHIP FRIENDSHIP?
I don't have the next issue, and uh... I might have to find it. This is pretty entertaining.
Cover shows the symbiote smashing out of it's cage. Can a liquid "smash"? BUT WHERE IS EDDIE BROCK?
I see clearsil was still playing on my insecurities back in 1994. Here to restore your social life to it's FORMER! GLORYYYYY!
Venom: Separation Anxiety
"Part 2 of 4: Lost Souls"
Written by Howard Mackie
Penciled by Ron Randall
The symbiote is still in his tank, in "devastating" pain because he's not with Eddie. They have a weird kinda bromance going on, don't they? It screams so loud guards hear it for miles. It starts pressing a tendril to the glass, which beings slowly cracking... uh oh... UH OH oh hold on there's a scene transition.
Eddie's unconscious somewhere, dreaming of his asshole deeds. He wakes up and immediately starts trying to kick some symbiote ass again, but the others subdue him. They broke him out of prison because they want his help understanding their own symbiotes. Wouldn't it have been better to wait for the scientists to finish researching him then...?
Brock's all sad. His symbiote's gone, he can't help them, leave me alone. Hot red/yellow symbiote who still doesn't have a name insists they're decent people, despite the assaults and treason. She looks a lot better with her "mask" retracted, but that might just be because I am totally gay for comic characters not wearing their masks.
RIDDLE TIME! What do you do when you see a fire-breathing, skateboarding, karate-kicking, out-of-control dinosaur coming at you? Uh, call poison control? Radical Rex is apparently the "raddest, baddest fire-breathing T-Rex ever to shred prehistoric pavement" and is out to "save the dinosaur race." I'm not hopeful about that one, friend. God dammit Sonic the Hedgehog, this is your fault.
Then Bullpens Bulletins. That's kind of early in the book, dudes. There's a "match the character to the phrase game," and who the HELL's catchphrase is "What the shock?" or "Argon's Genes?" Though I do love "Don't yield! Back SHIELD!" I don't think I've ever heard Nick Fury say that, but I can totally see him saying that. In the "Now on Sale" box we see that Venom: Separation Anxiety #3 is available as of this moment (weird), and Wolverine #89's synopsis is "Hey, Ghost Rider - quit hogging the road!" I hope this is the issue where Wolverine's driving the speed limit, and Ghost Rider goes around him then cuts in front of him and there's NO COPS around and once again someone breaks the rules and gets ahead without retribution and Wolverine says that is ENOUGH and stabs him right through the scrotum.
Red and yellow girl whose name we STILL DON'T KNOW talks about how they agreed to join the "Life Foundation" and join with alien symbiotes because with a name like that, how could they be evil? Apparently the Life Foundation's plans were "in conflict with our own value systems" (so like, pro-gay marriage conflict or baby-raping conflict?) so they fled. Their symbiotes are still young and immature (and probably freaked to hell and back about not growing up on Zarlon V or wherever the hell symbiotes live), and they need Brock's help to understand them. Um, if you'd have just surrendered to the government guards back there, they could separate you and study the hell out of them, but treason works too.
Brock tells them to go to hell, cold-cocks the bitch, and tries to escape. "Carl" grabs him, and says he's done reasoning with him, and I guess they're going to force him to tutor them? Eddie just laughs at him. This series is really winning me over to Brock, guys.
Back in the facility we left like 9 pages ago, the symbiote's escaped and slaughtered everyone. Dr. Zwerling is still alive, so they medevac him away in a chopper. As you can probably guess, the symbiote is hiding inside the doctor (ewwww) and takes over the chopper. "Coming. Eddie." it thinks. Hm.
The other symbiotes restrain Carl, and tell him to control his other. Are all symbiotes all violent? I thought they were intelligent beings, and generally they go around enslaving planets and stuff. Huh, oh well. Carl "sucks" his symbiote back in; his friends are very encouraging about his breakthrough, but Eddie just keeps making fun of him. Ahahahahahaha faggot. Donna (oh, red and yellow is named Donna) very maturely tells him not to make fun of them, as they're really trying very hard not to kill everybody. I like these guys. Brock calls her a faggot. I like Brock too!
SHAQ-FU AD! But who would pick the non-Shaq characters in a fighting game called Shaq-Fu?
Brock is thrown into a pit, and sees a shadowy figure. He monologues that he has to kill all symbiotes, but it's just Kenny. He tries to get an interview. WHATTA SCOOP.
The symbiotes are fed up, trying to think of some way to make Brock help them. Hey, guys... when he had his costume, he pretty much did crazy homicidal things 24/7, I don't know why he's the expert in teaching you how not to do that.
Kenny's asking Brock all kindsa questions, but he tells him to shut up. He can feel his other coming, and he's getting a crazy person smile. Wuh-oh. He's going to fall right off the wagon!
Soldiers find the downed helicopter, everyone dead. Bummer. See ya next issue!
The letter writers have basically just started writing directly to Venom, bypassing the writers entirely.
MORTAL KOMBAT II!
YOU WILL DIE
YOU WILL DIE
FRIENDSHIP FRIENDSHIP?
I don't have the next issue, and uh... I might have to find it. This is pretty entertaining.
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