Every year at E3, I enjoy watching the press conferences, preferably live, but always with friends. At the few legitimately cool moments (such as the scene in the God of War 3 demo where Kratos rips half the face off a Manticore and stabs it into the other half) a collective oooh and aaah is always more fun, but mostly the value comes from the entertainment of snarking about the crappy games and long stretches of people talking and not even showing a crappy game. I've just now gotten to watch them all, and while in recent years they've shown me that I really don't need to run out and buy a new console (like I could anyhow), this is the first E3 that has really, truly terrified me.
That is not hyperbole. As about the last third of Microsoft's press conference went on, I went from a sensation of mild apprehension that slowly increased to one of absolute horror. Over the last few years my playime and spending on new or used games has drastically dropped, but at seeing this I think I can safely say that the game industry has probably moved beyond me; to paraphrase and old EGM, it made me want to crawl into the corner and play Tetris on my Game Boy.
(Sidenote: today, I did actually dig up my old copy of Game Boy Tetris. I had totally forgotten that it had color on the Game Boy Advance, and probably the Game Boy Color as well. Whatever.)
As anyone who watched the press conference knows, this fight or flight reflex was triggered by Microsoft's attempt to latch onto the sweet, sweet motion gaming teat, an apparently incredibly powerful EyeToy-esque camera/microphone called Natal:
God. Damn. You. Nintendo.
Look what you've done. Look! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
Ugh. Jesus.
More to come. I have to gather my thoughts in order to properly express my disgust, and no, you're the bigger loser for taking the time to read about my disgust towards a product that I'll never buy anyhow.
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